Tomorrow would have been Jesse's birthday, If only he knew how much i miss him, how much i still love and care about him even though he's not here for me to hold. I want to be with him, i need to see his face. i've been suicidal for the past few weeks but have been to scared to really say anything or talk about it...This blog is the only place i can really place my thoughts and know that they might be safe. No one reads this thing anyway. They won't know it until im long dead. I can't picture another year without having him here. He hurt me sooo much, if only he could see the pain im in now due to his death.

It's been 3 years since he did it, shouldn't i be over it by now?